Wednesday, March 31, 2004
got a new blog, wont be writing in this 1ne anymore...if you don't know tha new addy its probably cuz ur ass was to damn nosey and I don't want u all in my business like that. My new blog isnt public so u gotta have tha addy to get to it..
Posted at 12:17 pm by ra1n
Sunday, March 28, 2004
Current mood --> Bored
Listenin 2 ---> Christina Milian- Missin you like crazy
Wearin ---> Hip huggers and a white tank wit my playboy slippers
This weekend was pretty boring. I didn't do shit all weekend juss chilled around tha house or sat on tha phone for hours. lol. Friday Dia was still home so we watched movies together til she fell asleep. saturday I cleaned my room, downloaded some cds, watched tv, tried to fix tha cd burner (still not workin) and talked to B all night. Today my moms client died and she really upset ova it so i spent most of tha day downstairs talkin to her about it and tryin to make her feel better. She cookin her ass off, dats how i know it's really botherin her. I know she really feelin bad cuz she didnt go see her this weekend so she didnt get to see her b4 she died. Dia came home from Karens and was home for 20 mins and then Karen called and said since we leavin tomorrow @ 8 in tha morning for tha mountain dia can stay tha night ova there since she will actually sleep all night ova there. Its nice to have a 2 night break from Dia but it feels so weird cuz im use to her bein here lol.
Im lookin forward to goin to tha mountain tomorrow. I havent been there since my parents were together. Im juss wonderin how cold its gonna be up there. Its suppose to be nice tomorrow tho so hopefully it wont be to cold. Im still dressin all warm tho, ill juss take somethin to change into if it gets to hot or somethin. But i doubt I will have to change. I mean its a damn mountain..how warm can it get? lol. Well datz all i got for today
Posted at 08:04 pm by ra1n
Friday, March 26, 2004
found out last night Dia thinks she mike tyson. If u know me then u probably know da story. If not..oh well u don't need to hear it. Started lookin thru all my shit tryin to figure out what I'm taking and what Im gettin rid of. I have soo much shit I dont fit anymore so thats not def not goin wit us.
There's really not much to talk about today. Monday we goin to tha mountain. I think we will have a good time. Im sure dia will have fun playin in tha snow. Hopefully Karen remembers to bring tha camera so we can take pics. I only been there once b4 and that was way back in tha day when my parents where together. She wanted to take us on some hike she use to take Trenton on but i was like no, im not hiking...im not a nature out doorsy type girl. Bugs and shit. Yea, I'll pass. But we can go, juss no hikes lol. Tomorrow is Saturday nothin really planned. Probably just chill at tha house watchin movies or somethin. Never know. I say dat every Friday then Saturday comes and I find somethin to get into.
Posted at 09:43 pm by ra1n
Thursday, March 25, 2004
I been up all night thinkin about this whole fight between me and mika. I even went back into my old yahoo s/n and read how da convo went down just to kinda get my thoughts together on tha whole situation. Its crazy as hell to me our friendship ended ova somethin I wrote in my blog that she felt was about her. Really had nothin to do wit her at all. She says im selfish and all I do is complain about Trenton bein gone and I don't care about anyone in my life because its always me, me, me. she's right and she's wrong. She's right in everything she said but she's wrong because I don't think she's ever taken tha time to even try to understand me and my way of thinking or my way of doing things. Yes, I am selfish but not all tha time. Yes, its usually always about me but I mean with most people they dont ever take tha time to really focus on other people. So it doesn't make me wrong for makin myself my main concern. And I do complain about Trenton being gone alot. What wife who hasnt seen her husband in a year isnt going to complain? But I found myself wondering how could she even call herself my best friend if she cant and or wont accept tha bad about me. There are things about her I dont like..I mean everyone isnt gonna like every lil thing about someone else. But I looked at it as, tha things that I like about her and even tha things I don't like about her are tha things that make her my best friend. I accept em because she was my best friend. But I feel like she cant accept tha things she doesnt like about me. How can I be friends wit someone like that? Did I wanna stop bein friends wit her? Naw, we had some good ass times together. I mean shit, I aint get an M tatted on me for no reason. Juss so 2 weeks later we would stop bein friends. But that's how it happened. She had showed me a piece of tha convo she was havin wit one of her friends about me. And she sayin she loves me 2 death and how she would do anything for me but I wouldnt do shit for her. She loves me to death but she cant accept me for me...Im just this selfish self centered bitch to her...so thats bullshit to me. She would do anything for me...but she wouldnt even take tha time to understand that regardless of havin her as my best friend I still felt alone and that I have those days and I wasnt sayin fuck you meek. All this in my head makin me wonder were we ever even friends. Its just hard for me to understand how someone says all these things about ur my best friend, ur my lil sis 4 life, get matchin tattoos and then 2 weeks later all of a sudden tha other person is just shit and u willing to throw it all away. Do I feel I was wrong in this situation? hell naw. I tried to stay calm thru it and explain to her that she wasnt even on my mind when I was writing tha blog and that I did feel alone. She juss took it to this whole other level. I feel like she kinda made it all about her. U hurt my feeligs cuz u said you're alone..I look at our so called friendship differently now...ur all about you, you, you...your selfish...just all these things ova me sayin im alone. I dont understand how she was my best friend if that's how she felt all along or why she felt tha need to take that 1 blog so personally when in so many other entries she was usually in em and Im talkin about how she my best friend and I juss wanna see her happy and how Imma miss her when I move. Whole thing is fucked. I really don't think there is any fixin us because I sure as hell dont plan on apologizin for somethin I dont feel I was wrong for doin. I mean shit this is my blog...If i cant express myself here and bitch and complain all I want because I might hurt someones feelings, where can I do it. Everyone needs to vent sometime. And at one time or another everyone feels alone. My mom told me that sometimes she can be here wit all of us and still feel alone. She understood what I meant. It makes me sad that Mika can't. It makes me sad as hell I lost tha best friend I ever had because she couldnt or didnt wanna take tha time to try to understand where i was comin from.
X0X0 --> ra1n
Posted at 06:46 am by ra1n
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
today was pretty decent. Woke up, spent some of tha day cleanin, spent tha rest of tha day wit tha moms. We was juss sittin around talking, drinkin, and plannin my birthday. Im super excited...if we do everything we talkin about its gonna be soooooooo fun. Thats all that really went down today. But I had fun kickin it wit my mom and my mother in law. Me, Karen and dia got a few lil trips planned for tha comin weeks. Sunday or Monday we gonna take dia up to tha mountain. Play in tha snow, take some pics. *note to self* dress warm..no tank tops..and wear a coat..LMAO. And then tha weekend after tha 1st we goin to Ocean Shores. Thats gonna be a nice lil trip. Thats depends on tha weather tho. But we gonna go one day when its nice. Im excited. And either this weekend or next Karen gonna bring ova boxes and all my otha shit thats actually not here and we gonna go thru it and imma start packin up tha shit we talkin and gettin rid of tha shit we arent. WHOOOOO...I cant wait to see Trenton and spend time wit him and do all these things. Imma be takin SOOO many pics LOL.
X0X0 ----> ra1n
Posted at 09:29 pm by ra1n
